Photographers & Stripes

An incredible scene of dualism on Brighton beach.
The girl in the foreground was preparing her pocket camera for a self-timer photo with her friends.

(Notice that with both pairs, the one in front is not showing their action, and the one behind is...)

What do you think about this one?

[IMG]http://i517.photobucket.com/albums/u332/nathanever82/Photographers.jpg[/IMG]

Somehow you try to make a story with this photo but somehow it doesn't work, making a story that is.
The rest of the shot is average so to speak it really needs to have the persons in the shot making a story.

well, thing is, the 'story' is exactly what was happening, I'm not making up anything.
How would you improve this?

If we could see the pocket camera of the girl lying on the beach it would tell the whole story. But on my screen her arms, hands and the camera are cropped off. It would have made a good entry for Dr Mhuni's juxtaposition competition if it had all been in the frame. Otherwise it's an interesting shot. I like the third figure OOF in the distance to complete a triangle and balance the composition.
david

[IMG]http://i168.photobucket.com/albums/u193/lillymermaid/Photographers.jpg[/IMG]

I think this would have more intrigue

Lilly

Well spotted Lilly, that's the crop of the week.
david

sorry, I don't understand David. the photo is not cropped and you just have to click on it to see the second person at the back and the full figure of the girl in the foreground?

and sorry, the photo only works because its a contrapposition between two scenes, if you crop it to imply that the photographer was shooting the legs of the girl, then it doesn't make any sense, because the camera is clearly pointing elsewhere?

I see what you mean Nathan. At first on my screen the frame was cut away from the shoulder of the girl lying down. A click brought the rest of her in, plus a fourth figure who wasn't there before. I would clone out the the kid far right, he weakens the composition.
david

right! so, different opinion now ?

Yeah just re read my comment and it was very fuzzy.

What I meant was that you as viewer try to make sense what is happening in the scene and that's what I meant with story.
That's the power of the shot and the crop like lily did kills that but it's a better photo for some reasons.

In my opinion you've done the right thing with this photo.
If you would do more or clone people out you will lose the story.
You could try some toning to set or enhance the air maybe?
A light sepia tone might be pleasant, or a very light blue cast to reflect the coolness of the water.

thank you stefan, I'll re-edit and see what happens

lol how's this?
(yes added the camera, but consider that if you didn't know the story, it wouldn't look too weird... - Also done curves, and selective colour)

[IMG]http://i517.photobucket.com/albums/u332/nathanever82/Photographers-1.jpg[/IMG]

I think the first one is slightly better, thought the sepia was a good idea but I come back from that...

really don't like it uh? (but being nice as usual and not saying it openly!!!)

No worries. My street photography endavours shall continue with no hesitation!