Joke someone told me last night

Found it quite amusing so here we go :

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, 'You know, I know everyone there
is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.'

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, 'OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?' 'No dramas' boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it.' So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and Tom Cruise shouts, 'Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer! Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky 'No, no, just name anyone else,' Dave says. 'President Bush,' his boss quickly retorts.

'Yup,' Dave says, 'Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington .' And off they go.

At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up.' Well, the boss is much shaken by now but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.

'The Pope,' his boss replies.

'Sure!' says Dave. 'I've known the Pope for years.' So off they fly to Rome .

Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican when Dave says, 'This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope.' He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican . Sure enough,half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him 'What happened?' His boss looks up and says, 'It was the final straw - you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f***'s that on the balcony with Dave?'

brilliant

Cracking

That's too good!

can I add two for you?

A little boy sitting on Grandpa's knee....

"Grampa...what noise do frogs make?"

"Oh I don't know... NEE-DEEP" said gramps.

"No, no!" said the boy "That's not what they say!, What do they say?"

"Oh, geez, well how' bout RIBBIT?" asked Grandpa.

"No, no, what else do they say!!!"

"I don't understand" said Gramps"Why is this so important?"

"Dad said when you CROAK; we're all going to Disneyland!!!"




then there was the bar patron and the bartender, having a chat.
All of a sudden this old dog wanders into the bar, lays down and starts licking his privates....

"I sure wish I could do that" proclaimed the bar patron.
"You Can!" said the bartender "But you might want to try petting him and getting to know him first".

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'. The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman'. The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman', smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses. The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties'.

The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie'. The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it?' The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it'. 'Ok' says the rabbit,' I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie'. The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves....

.....NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you', to which he is answered 'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house'. The barman says, 'I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous'. The rabbit says, 'Yes I know'. The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead' The rabbit said 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it'. The barman said 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the Rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman,'what from?'

After a short pause. The rabbit said...



'Mixin'-me-toasties'